Skiing can be a cruel sport and probably something more suited to people who are extremely comfortable falling down mountain peaks the height of Mount Everest while wearing two pieces of board that can get one up to near the speed of light before crashing headlong into a tree. Look good in ski clothing and look bad while trying to ski and it, meaning buy good-looking clothing but rent the instruments of death otherwise known as ’skis.’

Consider that Alpine skiing equipment can probably set one back seven or eight years of pay and that it can also get one down a mountain quicker than a Star Wars spaceship moved through that galaxy that was long ago and far away. Consider, also, that that lightspeed-inducing gear can be rented, and for prices far less than the hospital stay and physical therapy, which will be needed after falling down the mountain, will cost.

And that’s why it’s probably the smartest idea of all to just rent a pair of skis and by all of that high-tech and very good-looking clothing. Looking good versus being good should went out every time, and besides; who’s really going to care if — while looking good — every skier on the mountain is laughing uproariously while the good-looking skier is tumbling down a bunny slope?

So ponder on why it’ll be smart to spend a few bucks on a black sport watch to match all of that high-tech ski clothing. At the least, it’ll chime when it’s time for happy hour and one can leave the cruel torture of the bunny slope that all the little kids ski down to head over to the clubhouse to receive the cheers that is one’s due after braving some of the most challenging slopes (not) in the world.

Much of this obsession with skiing is also why it’ll be a pretty smart idea to get a black helmet for wear while tumbling (which is actually the word that should be substituted for ’skiing, ‘ in most peoples’ cases) down a slope; it’ll hide all the dents that one took to the noggin while running into other skiers and more than a few trees. The ski patrol will certainly be appreciative, at least.

There’s really no great secret to skiing other than to realize that man was not made to hurtle down 80% inclines at greater than the speed of light. All of that white stuff seems cruelly designed by some omnipotent deity who likes to watch the tiny little — and very fragile — humans fall down on it and then roll around in agony. Oh, but the gods are foul masters!

In the end, what’s smarter? Dropping thousands on some skiing equipment that will usually end up gathering dust after the first life-threatening ski experience or renting that gear and spending the money on some hot looking clothing? Sit in the clubhouse, look good — even if there’s no hope of being good — and bask in the warmth of a nice fire and an equally warm toddy.

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